


Following Instructions

by RaeDMagdon



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Enemies to Lovers, F/F, Female Ejaculation, Femslash, Fingering, Hurt/Comfort, Near-Death Experience, Oral Sex, Vanilla
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-15
Updated: 2016-02-25
Packaged: 2018-05-20 21:10:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,774
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6024991
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RaeDMagdon/pseuds/RaeDMagdon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After Lexa's fight with Roan, Clarke is confronted with a choice. Can she afford to let her walls down and trust Lexa again? Can she afford not to? (Reimagining of the bedroom scene in Episode 03X04).</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! My name is Rae, and I'm brand new to The 100 fandom. Please follow me on tumblr @raedmagdon because I'm going to be posting a lot more The 100 fanfic in the near future. I'm in love with this show.
> 
> This story is fairly vanilla femslash, but very explicit. If that's not your thing, turn back. I am TOTALLY DIGGING the Clexa slow burn in season 3, and I think it's perfect, but I was curious what might have happened if Clarke had just been ever so slightly further along in her 'forgive Lexa' arc. If she'd reached deep down and agreed to give Lexa the smallest bit of trust a little sooner.
> 
> It'll probably end up being a two-parter, so let me know in the comments if you want me to write a second chapter from Lexa's POV.

Clarke stood by the window, staring out over Polis and letting the night wind play across her face. The sky had dimmed into darkness, but the streets below were alight with torches. _Heda_ had proven her worth once again, and her people were celebrating. _And they should be celebrating,_ Clarke reminded herself, tucking her arms a little further into her robe. _Lexa earned this._ But although the Commander had fought bravely, Clarke couldn't shake the queasy feeling in her stomach.

The spear had been close. Close enough that Clarke's heart had almost stopped beating before she realized the point hadn't gone through Lexa's skull. She'd forgotten how to breathe, and the tightness in her chest still hadn't loosened several hours later. Merely remembering sent an unpleasant shiver down her spine, one that had nothing to do with the cool air. A little over a week ago, she had been ready to kill Lexa herself. Now, the prospect of her death was terrifying. _A second slower, and everything would have been different. She would have been dead, and I..._

A knock at the door pulled her out of her own head. She turned, about to call out and ask who was there, but discovered that she already knew. Some part of her had been waiting for Lexa from the moment she had retired to her room. Her stomach lurched again, but this time the sensation wasn't unpleasant, and the tingle she felt wasn't entirely from the cold.

She made it half way across the room without realizing it. Her feet carried her to the door without conscious thought, more swiftly than a simple knock warranted. She had no idea what she would say when she opened it, but she could picture who was waiting for her on the other side. Lexa, proud and straight-shouldered, her jaw tilted up at a proud angle. _She's probably still in her armor. I wonder if she's washed the blood off yet, or if she wants to enjoy her victory a little longer._

But when Clarke opened the door, the sight she found wasn't at all what she had expected. Lexa was indeed waiting there, but she looked nothing like her usual self. Instead of her armor, she wore a thin black nightgown that left her pale arms bare. Her hair flowed loose and unbraided around her shoulders, and her face was clear of war paint, making her green eyes appear much lighter than normal. She didn't demand entrance—didn't say anything at all. She only stared, waiting in silence.

"Is this I told you so?" Clarke asked. There was something naked in Lexa's expression, and it made her feel raw without words to fill the silence.

"No." Lexa continued gazing straight ahead, directly into her eyes. "This is thank you."

The intensity of the look should have made it challenging, but Clarke felt herself relax. _Whatever she wants, she isn't here to argue._ "Come in," she said, taking a step back.

Lexa padded into the room almost cautiously, breaking the curious moment and casting her gaze down to her bare feet. Nothing remained of her usual brisk, confident stride. She almost seemed to be curling in on herself, as if... Clarke's attention darted to the bandage around Lexa's palm. _She's hurt. More than she's letting on._ Her mind flashed to the instant when Lexa had gripped Roan's blade in her bare fist. Even from the sidelines, she had seen the blood.

"Here." She took Lexa's hand in hers, folding her fingers gently beneath it and raising it for closer inspection. "Sit down. Let me change that for you."

She soon realized that it wasn't an offer she was well-equipped to make good on. There weren't any medical supplies in the room she had been given, and the best substitute for a bandage at her disposal was a threadbare blanket folded at the foot of her bed. It had seen better days, but at least it was clean. She grabbed it up and turned toward the couch, where Lexa had already taken a seat with her hands folded lightly over her lap.

Clarke sat as well. Her knee brushed against Lexa's on the way, and she shifted to put another inch of space between them, taking the Commander's hand again instead. She busied herself with unwinding the bandage, trying not to question why she had chosen to sit so close. "That girl who was with Nia... Ontari? What will happen to her?"

Lexa rolled her lips together, watching the gauze as it peeled away from her palm. "She won't be back until the conclave after my death."

 _Death..._ Death hadn't come for Lexa today, but Clarke could still feel its shadow. She had felt it beating down on the back of her neck in the ring that afternoon, worse than the blazing sun, clogging her throat like the clouds of brown dust rising from the ground. _It's not like you should care. She left you and your friends to die at Mount Weather without a second thought._

But even as the accusing words ran through her head, Clarke knew they weren't quite true. Lexa had thought about it, agonized over it before sounding the retreat. That much had been clear from the moment she whispered, _"May we meet again."_ In all honesty, Clarke had no idea whether Lexa's obvious guilt made her betrayal better or worse.

"Do you ever talk about anything other than your death?"

Lexa smiled slightly, just enough to make the angles of her face smoother. Once again, she didn't speak.

Clarke couldn't bear to look for long. The slight bruise beneath Lexa's lower lip made her chest ache. Instead, she spread out the blanket and ripped a thin strip from the bottom. At least changing Lexa's bandage was something she didn't have to think about. At this point, it was almost automatic. She began winding, her gaze traveling slowly up along Lexa's forearm. It appeared slender at first glance, but there was strength in it, too. Her sword had not wavered when it was trained on Roan, and her spear had aimed true.

"Thank you for backing me."

Lexa's voice was so quiet that Clarke almost thought she was imagining it. She raised her head, searching for any sign of expectation or resentment, but there was none. All she found was the same tender, hopeful expression that Lexa had worn ever since entering her room. Once again, she had to look away. "I did what was best for my people."

Hurt flickered across Lexa's face, and she averted her eyes too. Clarke felt a stab of... something... _Guilt?_ before she managed to shake it off. She had plenty to feel guilty for. _Wanheda_ had massacred an entire nation, after all. But Lexa's hurt feelings and the kiss they were probably both thinking about weren't her fault. Lexa had betrayed her, and the kiss had only lasted a moment, an attempt to feel when everything was about to fall apart and life seemed fleeting.

But the memories were clearer than she wanted them to be. The warmth of Lexa's mouth on hers. The smoothness that had taken her by surprise until she pressed back. The light brush of Lexa's nose against hers as she leaned in again and...

_No. That kiss was a mistake, and so was trusting her. I don't know how she lives with it. I still can't._

"Your ambassadors betrayed you," she said to fill the silence. "How do you move forward?"

Lexa dipped her head. The pain Clarke had seen before was still present, but controlled, almost resigned. "They were doing what they believed was right for their people, too."

Clarke opened her mouth to speak, but no words came out. She wasn't sure what was right for her people anymore, and even less sure what was right for her. The definition of 'right' kept changing whenever she stopped to think about it. Eventually, she stood, all too aware of the warmth of Lexa's thigh resting near hers. Somehow, the two of them had shifted closer. _I need some distance. Now, before I get any more confused._

But the way Lexa leaned ever so slightly toward her as she rose to her feet wouldn't allow her to give a cold dismissal. _"Reshop, Heda,_ " she said, hoping Trigedasleng would make the words seem friendlier to Lexa even if the language's accents sounded sharp to her own ears.

Lexa smiled, but it didn't reach her eyes. Those were tinged with sadness as she stood and turned toward the door. "Good night, Ambassador." She prepared to leave the room the same way she had entered it, slipping by on soft feet and curling in on herself once again.

"Wait."

Clarke didn't know she was about to speak until the word burst unbidden past her lips, but once it filled the room, she couldn't take it back. Part of her didn't want to take it back. Lexa had made herself vulnerable by coming here alone, carrying nothing with her but honesty and sincerity. Even though she was still angry, even though she still wanted Lexa to _hurt_ for what she had done, part of her couldn't let such a gesture go unanswered.

Lexa's hand dropped. She closed the door again, but she remained standing in place for a long time before she turned back. She waited, and Clarke noticed that she was trembling ever so slightly.

"The Ambassador wasn't the one who backed you today. Clarke was." Once again, she felt the overwhelming urge to look away, but she resisted. Lexa had practically held her own heart out in her hands. The least she could do was acknowledge it resting between them.

"Why?" Lexa asked, but Clarke heard the faint stirrings of hope in the question. "A week ago, you vowed to kill me yourself. I thought my death would please you, even if it didn't please Clarke the Ambassador."

Clarke crossed the room, taking both Lexa's hands in hers and leading her away from the door. Even after she was certain the Commander would stay, she couldn't make herself let go. "I... I don't know why."

One of Lexa's thumbs brushed along the side of her wrist, bringing a scatter of sparks with it. "I do." And then Lexa's lips were on hers again, just as hot and sweet as she remembered.

It took several long seconds for Clarke to realize that _she_ had been the one to bring their mouths together. Her left hand was still clutching Lexa's uninjured fingers, but her right had come up to wind around the back of Lexa's neck. It was a desperate hold, but she didn't loosen it. She wove her fingers through Lexa's hair, moaning as the lips beneath hers parted. _This is a mistake. We've already been through this once. She broke my heart..._ But even though she could list reason after reason to stop, the single reason she had to keep going grew until it was all she could think of. _I want this. I want her._

The change in her must have been obvious, because Lexa started kissing her back. A soft tongue swiped along her bottom lip, not demanding entrance, but coaxing her to continue. It was another show of vulnerability and trust, and the ache Clarke had been carrying around in her chest all day finally disappeared. She didn't think she was ready to forgive, but touching Lexa made her feel good _._ Not just comforted, the way Finn had before his change, or numb, the way Niylah had when she was at her lowest, but _good._ Safe.

It made no sense. Lexa was the last person she should feel safe around. But kissing Lexa was helping, not hurting, and the warmth pooling at the base of her spine and blossoming between her legs was too powerful to ignore.

Just as she was about to let go of Lexa's hand and wrap an arm around her waist, the mouth beneath hers withdrew. She could feel the shaking heat of Lexa's breath even when they broke apart, but their foreheads remained resting together. She tilted her chin, trying to recapture what she had lost, but Lexa pulled back the slightest bit. _"Hod op._ Clarke, is this what you want? Am I... what you want?"

Clarke didn't know what she wanted, but she did know what she needed—at least for tonight. _Lexa almost died today. I'll probably regret doing this, but I'll regret not doing it more._ Her answer was another kiss, even deeper than the first, full of all the fear and relief she had struggled to hold in. This time, Lexa didn't stop her. The great Commander melted, and Clarke felt a shudder pass through the places where their bodies pressed close.

There was no more talking, and their lips remained joined as they stumbled toward the bed. The journey was awkward, their shifting embrace even more so, but it didn't matter. Clarke didn't want to let go. The ache from before had moved downward, and it was much more pleasant. She had known lust could heal a wound, but with Lexa, it was different. It was hunger and regret and something much subtler that she couldn't quite name. Or didn't want to name.

The swirl of need and confusion distracted her long enough for Lexa to break away and place a hand on her chest. She whimpered and started to protest, but swallowed the sound when she understood why. The look Lexa wore was still soft, and there was nothing uncertain about it.

Clarke watched in awe as Lexa slid down the thin straps of her nightgown, revealing the rest of her pale shoulders. The black fabric passed her breasts, high and firm and capped with tight brown nipples, and her stomach, heavily muscled for someone built so lithe. And when it flowed past her narrow hips to pool on the floor, Clarke forgot how to breathe once again.

 _Beautiful._ It wasn't a word she would have used to describe Lexa before, but now, it felt inexplicably right. Lexa was offering everything, making a gift of herself, and it was a gift Clarke couldn't bring herself to reject.

"Clarke," Lexa whispered, fear and hope both wavering in her eyes. "I _..._ "

"Don't. You don't have to explain." Clarke reached for the tie of her own robe, unfastening it with shaking hands. It dropped to the floor to join Lexa's, and though she shook, it wasn't from cold. She folded her arm around Lexa's waist the way she'd wanted to by the door, drawing her in. The feel of Lexa's naked body fitted against hers turned the steadily growing warmth into a blaze. She kissed Lexa again, but this time, it wasn't a request. It was a demand—for Lexa's hands, Lexa's tongue, anything Lexa would give her.

She didn't have to wait long. Lexa's palms explored her sides, starting at her hips and sliding up. They were a little rough at the edges, and the one wrapped in cloth tickled, but they were also incredibly warm, and infinitely gentle. Being treated with such tenderness surprised her, but she found that she didn't mind. The reverent, almost worshipful way Lexa's hands roamed over her body made her shake with desire and set her skin aflame.

"Bed," she murmured into the willing mouth beneath hers, using her own hands to hold fast to Lexa's waist. "We should..."

Lexa nodded in agreement. Her hands moved back down, and Clarke gasped as they hitched beneath her legs. She allowed herself to be tipped back onto the bed, savoring the slight loss of control. It should have been intimidating, allowing Lexa's wiry body to prowl over hers, but the smile on her face was much too sweet. Clarke felt the sudden urge to prop herself on her elbows, surge up, and place another kiss on the black bruise beneath Lexa's bottom lip. But she didn't move, and Lexa simply seemed content to drink her in from above.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" she asked, almost afraid of the answer.

" _Kos yu ste meizen,_ " Lexa whispered, eyes shining in the low candle light.

"Meizen," Clarke repeated, testing the word. "What's that?"

"Because..." Lexa's voice wavered, and she had to swallow before trying again. "Because you're beautiful."

Clarke's face flushed. For several moments, she wasn't sure what to say. It was clear that Lexa wasn't only trying to compliment her appearance, and she didn't want to let something slip in return that she couldn't take back later. In the end, she settled for, "Thank you." It didn't feel quite satisfactory, but she meant it, and she hoped Lexa knew.

The next kiss Lexa gave her wasn't on her lips. A hot mouth found the heartbeat that lived just beneath her jaw, and she shuddered. Lexa's body was still hovering a few inches above hers, and so she wound her arms around the Commander's torso, eager for more contact. When they finally melted into each other, sharing skin at last, Lexa groaned into her throat. It was a noise of pure need, and Clarke reveled in it. It felt much safer to focus on their mutual desire for each other than on their unspoken feelings.

Clarke let her hands wander across Lexa's muscular back, drinking in the contours, eager to see what other sounds she could coax out. Lexa sighed when their legs twined together, and hissed when she introduced the very edges of her nails. The lips on her neck slid lower, leaving a burning trail of open-mouthed kisses, but without a hint of teeth. Lexa was still being gentle with her, and Clarke didn't know whether to be appreciative or frustrated. _Frustrated. She's holding back. I can feel how tense the muscles in her shoulders are..._

"I won't break," she mumbled, fisting Lexa's hair and drawing her mouth back up for another deep, messy kiss. When it broke apart, they both had to pant for breath. "If we're going to do this, at least fuck me like you mean it."

Lexa's responses were contradictory. Her hips pushed forward, and Clarke sucked in a ragged breath when she felt slickness drag across one of her thighs. But Lexa's brow furrowed, and she appeared uncertain. "Is that really what you want?"

Clarke didn't speak. She simply nodded. Lexa's gentle approach was frightening her almost as much as that stupid spear.

" _Den ai na badan yu."_

Suddenly, Lexa's hands seemed to be everywhere at once, running along her sides, stroking her shoulders, and cupping her breasts. They were insistent, tinged with more than a hint of desperation, and they were _exactly_ what Clarke needed. She arched to show her approval, raising her knee so Lexa could press harder against it. More wetness ran against her leg, and one of her hands reached down to grip Lexa's ass, urging her to grind.

The low groan she earned was a victory, but only a small one. Lexa's hips jerked once before she regained control of her movements and continued where she had left off. Clarke bit her lip to stifle a sob when Lexa's fingers found her nipples, tugging both points to hardness. Soon, one was enveloped in the warmth of Lexa's mouth, and her own hips started shifting. She couldn't keep them still, and she was relieved when she found purchase against Lexa's firm stomach.

"Lexa," she whispered, afraid that if she didn't say _something_ , she would be reduced to incoherent noises instead. "Keep... keep going..." But it didn't seem as if Lexa had any intention of stopping. Her tongue started swirling, and Clarke felt the swollen bud of her clit throb with jealousy. She grabbed one of Lexa's hands and dragged it between her trembling thighs, guiding it exactly where she needed it.

It only took Lexa's fingers a few seconds to find her. She stiffened when they pulled her outer lips apart, and cried to the ceiling when they dipped down to gather some of her wetness. The touch against her entrance had her hoping for penetration, a stinging stretch she hadn't even known she craved until she was so close to having it. But Lexa moved back up to her clit a moment later, painting over it in swift, smooth circles that made her abdominal muscles jolt. There was purpose in the rhythm, and Clarke had to clench her eyes shut. Her inner walls were already fluttering, and she was afraid if she continued watching, she would lose control much too soon.

Closing her eyes didn't help. She could still feel the warm kisses Lexa scattered across her chest, trailing from one nipple to the other. She could still feel the barest scrape of Lexa's teeth against the side of her breast. She could still feel rough pads of Lexa's fingers rubbing her clit, speeding up whenever her hips did. And worst of all, she could hear _and_ feel the soft words Lexa was muttering against her skin. She didn't know what most of them meant, but one stood out from the rest. " _Klark..._ "

Hearing her own name fall from Lexa's lips was nearly her undoing. She seized Lexa's wrist again, halting her mid-stroke and moving her hand lower. "Inside," she rasped, suddenly desperate for fullness. "Lexa, fill m—"

Lexa pushed past her opening before she could finish the sentence, first with one finger, then two. The stretch soothed her, but only for a moment. She needed movement too. Without even thinking, Clarke wrapped one of her knees around Lexa's waist, pressing up into her to establish a new rhythm. Instead of thrusting along with her, Lexa stayed inside, curling her fingertips as if in search of something. The moment she found it, Clarke screamed, and bright colors flashed behind her eyes. Lexa had found _that_ spot, the one she always tried to hook against when she was touching herself, but had never quite been able to direct a partner to properly. And not only had Lexa found it, but she was hitting it over and over again.

Her peak hit before she realized what was happening, before she could even form Lexa's name. All of a sudden, she was weightless, buoyed by waves of bliss as Lexa's fingers kept curling inside her. Her clit twitched, trapped beneath the pad of Lexa's thumb, and her inner muscles rippled, clenching tight and refusing to let go. Something inside her burst, and she spilled a river of heat into Lexa's hand, shivering wildly. She had never released so much, and her face flushed with embarrassment.

 _Wh_ — _what's happening? What am I..._ But it was much too late to worry about the mess. Lexa's fingers were still moving inside her, and the flood refused to stop. She surrendered instead of fighting, riding the powerful swells until she had nothing left to give.

That should have been the end, but by the time the rush of wetness trailed off, Lexa's mouth was already travelling down her stomach. Clarke's hands shot down, fisting Lexa's hair in an attempt to draw her back up, but instead, she found herself pushing the opposite way. Her mind was spinning, but her body knew what it wanted. Just the thought of Lexa's head buried between her legs was almost overwhelming.

And then, she didn't have to imagine it anymore. Hot lips sealed around her clit, and the silk of Lexa's tongue started sliding over it. Her mouth fell open, but no sound came out. She couldn't even breathe. Her entire world dropped straight between her legs, and all she could do was quiver and clutch tight to the back of Lexa's head.

As the minutes passed, Clarke's perceptions began to blur. She wasn't sure whether Lexa was striving to push her over the edge again or striving to keep her from coming too fast. Lexa's lips and tongue were hungry, and Lexa's fingers never stopped pressing into her full front wall, but whenever Clarke drew too close, the pleasure withdrew just enough to keep her hovering on the edge. It was torture, and it was wonderful, and she dug her heels into Lexa's back on instinct.

"Fuck," she gasped, loosening her grip on Lexa's hair and clasping her shoulder instead. The pounding pressure deep within her had returned, even stronger than before, and she was worried about what would happen when it finally released. "Lexa, I'm... I'm going to... again..."

But her stammered warning made no difference. In fact, it made Lexa double her efforts. The Commander drew her clit even deeper, surrounding her with warmth, and the fingers inside her thrust home one more time, curling up hard. Once again, Clarke found herself soaring through a field of stars. Something like Lexa's name broke in her throat, leaving it raw and aching, and another gush of wetness tore from her a heartbeat later. It splashed against Lexa's chin, soaking the lower half of her face and running down onto the sheets in pulsing streams.

She couldn't hold back. For a few beautiful seconds, her need for pleasure, for release, for _Lexa_ completely eclipsed her doubts. She hadn't forgiven, and her wounds hadn't closed, but a hazy thought took shape while her head exploded with light. _She'll carry me through this. I trust her._ Not completely. Not forever. But for as long as this—whatever it was—lasted.

Her trust was well-placed. Lexa drew out her orgasm for as long as possible, removing her fingers and replacing them with her tongue. It teased the tight ring of muscle at her entrance, sliding forward to taste the tail-end of her release. The hot pressure drew a few more soft spills from deep inside her, and when Lexa's thumb took over the straining point of her clit, rocking it in and out of its thin hood, she shuddered all over again.

It seemed to last forever, but ended far too soon. Just when she was about to beg for mercy, Lexa pulled back. Her eyes were hazy, and her chin dripped with wetness, but a smile stretched across her face—the same soft smile she had worn upon entering the room. "Better?"

Clarke nodded, not trusting herself to speak. After a few more deep breaths, she found her voice. "Yes. I'm, uh... sorry about the mess. I've never come like that before."

For a moment, Lexa's smile turned smug, an unusual expression Clarke hadn't seen her wear before. "Never? Really..."

Clarke rolled her eyes. "Well, I guess this is your day for showing off, isn't it?"

"Following instructions is not showing off, _Klark kom Skaikru,_ " Lexa said, still grinning.

"Yeah? Well, I can follow instructions too."

Clarke wound her hand around the back of Lexa's neck, drawing her up for another kiss. It tasted like her, but somehow, that only made it better. Only made it right. She still had no idea what _this_ was, or what would happen the next morning, but she could worry about it in a few hours when the sun rose. If she had regrets, she would deal with them, just like always. It wouldn’t be her first mistake, or her last. At least this one had made her feel something good.

"Show me what you want. I've got all night."


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I finally finished the second chapter! Damn, this couple is gonna break my heart. *sigh*
> 
> Please follow me on tumblr @raedmagdon. I post a lot of The 100 related content these days. Oh! And I'm a published author, so more info about my work and stuff is on there.

****“Show me what you want. I’ve got all night.”

The eagerness, the anticipation, the _promise_ in Clarke’s throaty voice sent a rush of heat straight between Lexa’s legs, but despite the powerful surge that coursed through her, she hesitated. It had been a long time since she had thought about what she wanted, in a sexual sense or otherwise. _Heda_ belonged to her people, and her wants were theirs. Lexa the person had belonged to Costia, a loss that still gutted her deeply. But tonight, both belonged to Clarke, the girl who had fallen from the sky and changed the face of her world.

And now Clarke was asking. Staring at her with those deep, endless blue eyes, lips parted slightly with what looked like a sincere desire to please. And Lexa knew that the moment Clarke returned the pleasure she had given, her fight would be over.

_I told myself that love was weakness. That I would never do this again…_

Anya had often told her that she was too tender-hearted. She always did what needed to be done, but never without great pain, never without lasting scars. And here she was again, willingly seeking out more.

_How can you give yourself to someone else when your life is just a vessel? When it is not even your own?_

She couldn’t give Clarke everything—she doubted Clarke trusted her enough to accept such a gift—but she could give the hidden part of herself she still possessed, at least until morning. What was one more open wound when she already carried so many?

“ _Kei_ ,” she whispered, praying her voice wouldn't tremble as much as her hands. She rolled away from Clarke’s warm embrace, preparing to lie on her back, but a hand stopped her, cupping her waist to keep her in place.

“Wait. Where are you going?”

Lexa swallowed, trying not to stammer. “You asked me to show you what I wanted. I thought you were offering to…”

“I am. It’s just…” It was Clarke’s turn to hesitate, and Lexa stared down at her in surprise. She watched intently as Clarke pulled her lower lip between her teeth, a little comforted that she wasn’t the only one adrift in a sea of confusion.

“What?”

“I don’t know. When I imagined this, you weren’t usually on your back.”

Fire bloomed at the points of Lexa’s cheeks. “You imagined this?” she repeated, more than a little breathless. A grin stretched across her face, one she couldn’t have hidden if she wanted to.

“We kissed,” Clarke said. “Of course I did.”

Lexa melted with relief. The evidence that Clarke had wanted this was still covering her chin, but hearing it was even better. It made her wonder if, perhaps, this wasn’t as much of a mistake as she had feared. Something about coming together with Clarke this way felt inevitable, despite everything they had been through. “I thought you preferred to picture my death at your hands?”

The corners of Clarke’s mouth quirked up just a little. “I can do both.”

“Then what did you imagine, when you thought of me?” Lexa asked, unable to resist.

“Fine,” Clarke mumbled, shifting slightly beneath her. “I  _might_ have imagined you on top of me…”

“I am on top of you,” Lexa pointed out.

Clarke sighed. “Higher up, Lexa.”

Realization dawned, and the pleasant warmth between her thighs became a hot, throbbing ache. Tension coiled in her belly, and she was suddenly very aware of the fact that she hadn’t come. It wasn’t at all what she had expected Clarke to say, but an image of herself kneeling above Clarke’s face rushed to the front of her mind and refused to leave. It was selfish. Greedy. Both things a good Commander could never allow themselves to be...

She wanted it so fiercely that her inner walls fluttered and clenched without any contact at all.

“ _Ai don tel yu op, ai na badan yu._ If that is what you wish.”

Clarke’s hand moved down from her waist, gripping the swell of her backside instead. “It is. I owe you."

The words sent a lance of pain through her chest. She knew better than to believe this coupling could be joyful, but allowing Clarke to return the favor out of a sense of obligation was unacceptable. Once more, she started to withdraw. "You owe me nothing, Clarke..."

It was the wrong thing to say. Clarke's eyes flashed, and her mouth pulled into a frown. "Damn it, Lexa, do you _ever_ think about yourself? About what you want?"

Lexa remained calm. Her mind drifted back to earlier that day, when Nia had collapsed in the stands with blood pooling at her midsection. Heda had thrown that spear for her people, but Lexa had thrown it for Costia. _And for Clarke._ For once, her wants and her people's needs had aligned. She stared down at Clarke's face, taking in her furrowed brow and the storm of blonde curls tossed behind her head and over the pillow. Perhaps it could happen again.

"Very well," she said, with as much confidence as she could muster. "But only if you guide me."

Clarke's frown softened back into a smile. "That, I can do."

Climbing into position should have been awkward, but somehow, she managed to make the motion fluid despite the fact that she was shaking. Thankfully, Clarke's palms slid up along her thighs and took hold of her hips to steady her. The hold was reassuring, but not as reassuring as the look of awe that transformed Clarke's face. Lexa had seen many different emotions pass across it before—fear, grief, betrayal, and most recently, ecstasy. But this? _Her eyes are shining. Shining because she is looking at me._

It was the last push she needed. When Clarke's grip tightened just a little further, fingers digging gently but insistently beneath her hipbones, she sank down. At first, the sensation was ticklish. She shivered as Clarke's warm breath washed over her, trying not to squirm. But then something hot and slick and deliciously smooth swiped over her, slipping between her outer lips and covering everything from her opening to the bud of her clit, and she couldn't stifle her groan.

Without even thinking about it, she brought one hand to the top of Clarke's head. She didn't tug the soft strands of hair threaded between her fingers, didn't offer direction, but she needed something to grasp. Clarke's tongue had started exploring, and it was already threatening to undo her.

The first few strokes were predictable, a test of how sensitive she was. She managed to stay mostly silent, although her breathing sped up whenever Clarke teased close to the head of her clit. However, it wasn’t long before Clarke slipped past her defenses and discovered her weak spots. It only took a couple of passes for Clarke to learn how sensitive the tight ring of her entrance was, and just a few more to find a slow swirl that made her whole body shudder. A sob cracked in her throat, but Clarke took it as a sign to keep going. The shallow thrusts continued, and Lexa gave up on trying to remain quiet. There wasn't any point.

Soon, she was rolling her pelvis to keep up with Clarke's tongue. Her stomach muscles clenched, torn between fighting against her release and striving toward it, and her vision began to swim. She wanted nothing more than to watch Clarke's face, to stare down into her endless blue eyes, but the visual was too intense. If she kept looking, she feared she would lose the final shreds of her sanity. She blinked slowly instead, lashes lingering against her cheeks, a contrast to the rapid thud of her heart and the quick stabs of pleasure that pierced her lower belly.

But Clarke didn't seem satisfied with the sounds she was making, or with her rocking movements. The hands on her hips clutched harder, a wordless demand, and Lexa cried out as the blazing silk of Clarke's mouth sealed around the stiff point of her clit. The steady sucking alone was almost enough to tip her over the edge—she suddenly understood how it felt to stand at the top of her tower and stare down at the ground far below—but the _circles_ Clarke started painting against her were even more maddening.

 _"Klark,_ " she sobbed before she could think better of it. Heat crawled over every inch of her skin, but it wasn't from embarrassment. She didn't have enough self-control left to feel anything but overwhelmed. Her shield of restraint splintered right down the middle, leaving her completely exposed. She couldn't remember the last time she had been so wet, so sensitive, so open to pleasure, and she couldn’t imagine closing herself off from it again.

The next swirl of Clarke's tongue over the straining point of her clit was too much. Her hips jerked, pushing hard into Clarke's hands, and the muscles of her abdomen began to quiver. She tried to gasp a warning, but all that came out was a low wail as her inner walls rippled. There was a moment of infinite stillness, and then everything came crashing down around her as she finally surrendered to her climax.

She came with a string of whimpers and sighs, spilling endlessly into the heat of Clarke's mouth. The rhythmic release of pressure was blissful, but it didn't come close to the sparks that shot through her when she felt a soft hum between contractions. Clarke was _moaning_ against her, making muffled noises of approval, changing angles to better drink her in.

It was her lover's honest eagerness finally brought Lexa’s walls crumbling down. She kept coming, kept pulsing as she rode out her release, but she no longer sobbed her pleasure. Instead, she arched her spine and tilted her head back so Clarke couldn't read her lips, mouthing silently at the ceiling: _'Klark... ai hod yu in.'_

They were foolish words to say. Foolish words to even think. But her heart had rushed on without her, just like it always did, and though she quivered in fear of the pain and disappointment that would surely follow, Clarke's palms were warm and secure around the tops of her thighs. She reached down with one of her own hands, lacing their fingers together and squeezing as tight as she dared. _Love is weakness. And I am weak._

Finally, the shuddering stopped. She twitched with aftershocks, slumping over in exhaustion as Clarke's clever tongue left her clit and slid down to thrust lazily in and out of her entrance. The new stimulation earned a few more weak shivers, but she didn't have much left to give. Her body was completely spent, and her mind was reeling with her new discovery. She had known the potential was there, had feared it since before their first kiss, but love... It was already too late. Despite her best efforts, love had found her again, and she was terrified.

" _Hod op_ ," she murmured, drawing back before Clarke's devoted attention could become painful. "I... give me a moment."

Clarke's head flopped back onto the pillow, but she made no effort to untangle their fingers. Her full, shining lips spread in a smile, and the lower half of her face gleamed with wetness. "Too much for you already, Commander?"

" _Beja... ai laik Leksa_ ," she pleaded, swinging her knee over Clarke's shoulders and stretching onto her side. "I wish for you to use my name."

"Lexa..." Clarke spoke her name with relish, her glistening mouth wrapping beautifully around the words. "You didn't answer my question. That wasn't too much for you, was it?"

Lexa tensed. She wasn't sure how this strange _Skayon_ could summon such fierce desire in her with a only few short sentences, and she had no clue how Clarke had conquered her heart so thoroughly without even trying, but it didn't matter. She had lost this battle, and it was the sweetest defeat she had ever tasted.

"Not _enough_ ," she growled, sliding back down Clarke's body. She was finished waiting, finished denying herself, finished with carrying everyone else's burdens without a thought for her own loneliness. If love left another opening for pain, so be it. She had lived both with and without it, and feeling _something_ was still better than pretending she felt nothing at all. She would love as she always had, fiercely and without reservation.

The next kiss she took from Clarke's lips tasted of them both. The mix of flavors left her dizzy, and she drank until her lungs burned. It was all salt, all sweetness, all _Clarke._ She wasn't sure who moaned into whose mouth first, but it didn't matter. Nothing mattered but getting closer—sharing more skin, more warmth, more wetness. She wanted to come again and make Clarke come undone beneath her all at once, and the fire within her wouldn't die until she did.

One of Clarke's hands grasped at her back while the other slipped between their bodies, and Lexa hurried to copy her. They found each other at the same moment, stiffening and gasping as one, but Lexa recovered a split second faster. She wasted no time, sliding two fingers down through Clarke's wetness and pushing forward. Clarke's muscles dragged her all the way in, tightening and fluttering around her, but the clever fingers between her own legs didn't stop. They trapped the sensitive bundle of her clit, and her hips jerked helplessly into the pressure.

"Lexa," Clarke muttered against her mouth, slipping her name somewhere into the string of kisses. "Lexa, harder, _take_ _me_..."

She started thrusting, curling to hit the swollen spot against Clarke's front wall. _No. You're the one who has already taken me._

No matter how many times they kissed, no matter how deep her fingers plunged, no matter how skillfully Clarke stroked her, it wasn't enough. She craved more—more of the beautiful woman writhing beneath her, more of the passion and desire and joy she had almost convinced herself she could never have again. This moment of love was _hers_ , even if it ended badly, even if Clarke could not to return her feelings. Nothing could tear it from her.

Lexa's concentration faltered as Clarke's fingertips rolled faster over her clit, but she didn't slow down. She needed to feel Clarke's release run into her hand more than she needed to breathe. She hooked forward and up, applying pressure until the tendons in her wrist burned. " _Klark,_ " she groaned, unsure whether she was begging or demanding. "Come for me. Come _with_ me."

Her next thrust unleashed a flood. Clarke came screaming, clutching desperately around her fingers and clawing hard at her back. The tight walls wrapped around her went wild, and Lexa gasped as a gush of heat splashed against the heel of her hand, surprised and delighted by its force. Even though she had done it twice already, feeling Clarke's pleasure pour down her wrist and onto the bed still filled her with pride. She kept moving, determined to coax out as much as she could.

It worked. Sharp lines seared between Lexa's shoulderblades as Clarke's nails raked deeper, but the slight pain was worth the look of absolute bliss written across Clarke's face. It was the most beautiful thing she had ever seen, and it almost pushed her over the edge as well. Almost, but not quite. Clarke's eyes were still screwed shut, and they only seemed to scrunch tighter with each pulse of wetness her curling thrusts pulled out.

 _No. I need her eyes. I need..._ Lexa tried to speak, but she had already lost most of her English. _"Klark... chek ai au." Please, look at me. See me._

Clarke's lashes fluttered. The irises beneath were cloudy with desire, but still a brilliant blue, and the moment they fixed on her face, Lexa's heart clenched. Clarke was looking at her. Seeing Lexa, not _Heda_ , and not the person who had betrayed her. And though she didn't dare put a name to the warmth and tenderness in Clarke's eyes, it was a far cry from the unbridled hate of only a few days before. Clarke felt something for her, however tenuous, and it was more than enough.

She came with the next uneven sweep of Clarke's fingertips. The quaking shudders rocked her to her very core, but she didn't feel the least bit unbalanced. Clarke's gaze was still locked with hers, and it held her fast as she fell into paradise. Her inner walls rippled, rivers of heat winding down her thighs to join the lake Clarke had already left beneath them, but she didn't hesitate for a moment. She let her peak take her without a trace of doubt, because she had already given Clarke something much more precious.

Her climax seemed to stretch a second short of forever. She rode the crest of each wave until it broke, and when Clarke captured her bottom lip in another lingering kiss, still spilling weakly against her hand, she floated even longer. Kissing Clarke, coming for Clarke, making Clarke come for her...it was something she needed, and not just for one night. By the time they finally pulled apart for air, she was smiling. _This is not an end. Maybe it can be a beginning._

"Lexa..."

The haze in her head cleared a little at the sound of her name, but it still took her a while to regain the power of speech. "Yes?"

"You said something, while I was..."

A stab of panic pierced Lexa's chest. She hoped that Clarke would choose to continue down the path they had started on, but it was far too early for I-love-yous. If Clarke had seen, if she had ruined everything by speaking too soon...

"You mean when I asked you to look at me?" she asked, willing her voice to remain steady.

Something flickered in Clarke's eyes, a shadow that seemed almost sad. "...Yes. That."

It took everything Lexa had not to sigh with relief. She dipped an inch forward, placing another soft, closed-mouthed kiss against Clarke's glazed lips. "I told you before, _kos yu ste meizen_. I wanted to see your eyes." Beauty, at least, was safe territory. Clarke didn't have to know just how deeply she meant those words. Not yet, anyway.

Instead of answering, Clarke withdrew from between her legs. Lexa started to do the same, but Clarke's fingers braceleted her wrist, urging her to stay where she was. She accepted the invitation, remaining inside as she relaxed on top of Clarke's body. It had been a long time since she'd been held like this, pressed skin to skin, and it was surprisingly soothing despite the mess they'd made of the sheets.

"Lexa?"

"Mm?"

" _Yu ste meizen seintaim."_

It wasn't the confession she secretly wanted, but it was more than she had dreamed Clarke could ever give her. " _Mochof_ ," she murmured into the crook of Clarke's neck, inhaling her new lover's scent and committing it to memory. "I'm glad I wore that dress for something."

"You didn't need it."

Lexa spared a quick peek past Clarke's shoulders, over to the pile they had left of their clothes. Clarke's robe had fallen on top of hers, leaving them tangled together. "No. I suppose I didn't."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Ai don tel yu op, ai na badan yu = I told you, 'I will serve you'_  
>  Kei = Okay  
> Ai hod yu in = I love you  
> Hod op = Wait  
> Beja... ai laik Leksa = Please, call me Lexa.  
> Chek ai au = Look at me  
> Kos yu ste meizen = Because you're beautiful  
> Yu ste meizen seintaim = You're beautiful, too

**Author's Note:**

> Translations:
> 
> * Reshop, Heda = Good night, Commander.  
> * Hod op = Wait.  
> * Kos yu ste meizen = Because you're beautiful  
> * Den ai na badan yu = Then I will serve you


End file.
